Really? You said what.....

“Caught between a strong mind, and a fragile heart.”

There’s incredible strength in being able to listen without the need to respond. To listen and become an observed vs having an emotional response is powerful. When emotions guide us they serve us; when we are ruled by them, they destroy us.

To not get wrapped up in the spiral downward attachment of words spoken - instead to notice and understand “why” … why did those words sting, hurt and cause us to have a physical responds? Instead of taking it personally, we take our response and become an observer - we look at the person speaking and then we look at ourselves. We find compassion. We find empathy. We find the lesson that is being provided and we take a deep breath. So often we get fixated on words, which cause a heavy, energetic attachment - doesn’t serve us or the relationships that we are in. 

How many times have you been told......  

“I’ll find the time and call you tomorrow, really looking forward to chatting with you" - That happened to me yesterday, the day came and went without a call. Interesting, for that scenario could have gone one of two ways… I could have clung to the hope and expectation of a follow through, got caught up and sunk into an emotional disappointment or possibly become angry by the lack of concrete meaning behind those words …... instead, I took notice and I smiled, as the lack of follow through is on the other person which hopefully will be acknowledge when the phone call does arrive, which it will, in it’s own time.  

TODAY’S QUESTION: How deeply are you affected by someones words? 

Let me tell you something about relationships, communication is the essence. A relationship is where your highest spirituality is tested by tolerance. It’s not necessary the words, it’s our own responds and reaction, which is where the lesson is rooted. To be able to clearly express ourselves with love, compassion and kindness is the goal, especially when wanting to add depth to your love relationships. 

Tell me how... Cherish the relationships in your life, the old ones, the new ones and especially the hardest ones, for that's where you'll grow the deepest. Create space for your relationships to grow without holding onto to expectations. Take breaths between words. Notice your response, intention and actions. To always working on our communication, so our relationships flourish.  

BIG QUESTIONDoes your communication serve the relationships that you're in? Is there attachment? Emotional response? Lack of words spoken? How is the delivery of the words you choose to speak?

Let that shit go....

“Don’t seek, don’t search, don’t ask, don’t knock, don’t demand ~ relax.
If you relax, it comes. If you relax, it is there. If you relax, you start vibrating with it.” ~ Osho

It is a powerful choice you make - to travel through your own shit, willing to explore the depth of created barriers, removing blockages, cutting emotional cords of attachment, so you can land in a conscious place where you “have a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing.” ~ Tilopa

I marvel at how many hours in a day are consumed outside of the "right now." There is so much time consumed posting on social media, or maybe it's a fixation on how your future will unfold, or an obsession with a person or an experience in the past that has a suffocating hold of you, or maybe you're lost the world of wonder and worry that moments pass you right by..... 

TODAY'S QUESTION: Are you aware of your relationship attachments - relationship to yourself, to others, to situations, to previous experiences or to the future?  

Yoga and meditation have changed and continue to transform my life. The practice of yoga invites you on a lifetime journey of love, immerses you in a world of incredible teachings to elevate your experience of life.... sure your practice of yoga might start off with experiencing the physical benefits of increased flexibility, range of motion, postural alignment (healthy spine), muscular strength, athletic performance, improved respiration, cardio and circulatory health or maybe it starts off as a rehabilitation from an injury... whatever the reason, my hope is that you take another step and dive into the mental and emotional layers of this incredible practice. 

When we dive deeper into the journey of yoga, we start with the study of the Yoga Sutras, a widely regarded text on yoga. In the context of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, there are ‘8 Limbs of Yoga’ leading to liberation. We start with the first five limbs "yamas" - a moral guideline to build a deeper connection to the relationship we have with ourselves and with the world around us.  

Aparigraha is the last of the five yamas, which translates to ‘non-greed’, ‘non-possessiveness’, and ‘non-attachment’. 

What does this yama teach us about relationships?

We tend to cling to an idea of who we once were or what we want to be like, attached to a thought or an emotional tie that we prevent ourselves from actually being able to enjoy where we are today.

AND then let's talk about our relationships with others, we often cling so tight to an feeling of the past, wishing to go back, comparing, yearning for an old relationship, instead of trusting the process, releasing and letting go, so you can be free to welcome love and new relationships into your life. Relationships are meant to change, to involve and we either have the choice to create space for that relationship to breath and bloom so it has life or we cling and hold tight and it dies. Either way, we work on letting go "non-attachment" so we can be free. 

Tell me how: Yoga and mediation worked for me... as it's a continuous journey of landing with my breath every moment - maybe that's where you'll begin. I would encourage you to step into awareness and acknowledgment, and look whatever it is that you are holding on to go. 

BIG QUESTION: What are you physically, emotionally, and mentally holding on to that is preventing you from being free to fly? 

A conversation says so much....

If you want to know the depth of a relationship,
observe your conversation. 

How many people put on a good show by saying what you want to hear, pretending to be interested, pretending to be someone they aren’t, pretending to give a shit when in reality they don’t? Sadly, more then we hope. This lack of authenticity and intention, often leads to disappointment, for we tend to falsify the depth of many relationships, which doesn't end well in the long run. 

How many times to do want to go deeper in a conversation, you want to learn more, hear more, share more but the conversation stays surfaced or one sided? Observe and get real with your observation. No pretending.  

TODAY'S QUESTION: When was the last time you sat down with someone and had a real conversation? The type of conversation that leaves you feeling refreshed either because you shared something that was weighing on your heart or someone trusted you enough to share their shit with you. Observe if your conversations are reciprocal. 

Let's Observe our conversations....

  • Observe if your conversations are one sided - often we ask questions and are interested in learning about someone but that person doesn’t ask anything in return. Notice if that person who you're having a conversation with is interested in YOU. Observe and share wisely.
     
  • During a conversation, observe the energetic feeling in your gut and trust it. Your intuitive guide will never lead you astray. You'll know how much and what to share. Stay reserved to a person who isn’t attentive, for the value of your words won’t be appreciated as it should. Notice the feeling and trust it. 
     
  • Observe the flow. There is great easy in a real conversation. Silence becomes okay. The uncomfortable become easier. Time isn't an issue because it's made. Observe the details and be okay with was is.  

Tell me how.... Understand that there are going to be those people who take without giving. I call them energy suckers, for over time they will deplete your energy if you're not wise. Observe your conversations with opened eyes and let that observation define your relationships.    

There's no question, that you already know the depth of your current relationships.  Maybe there's some relationship which you want to redefine or constructively add boundaries too - be smart and wise. 

BIG QUESTION: Will you look closely at your conversations and be open to what you see? 

Screw perfection....

Do you strive for perfection or the illusion of it….. do you desire for the perfect body, the perfect marriage, the perfect job, the perfect children, perfect friendships, the perfect white picket fence life with 2.5 children and a dog? Or maybe it's a project you've been working on, that you need to perfect, which often prevents you from actually starting it. 

What if I asked you to remove the ideal image you’ve created in your head of what things are “suppose” to look like…… let's removed that damn phrase “suppose to” and embrace the comfort of landing exactly where we are.

TODAY'S QUESTION: What if we embraced the imperfections vs obsessing to make things different?  

I know so many people, including myself, who at one point in their life, have become fixated on a particular area, that we become obsessed in making it perfect…. psychologically, we typically do one of three things...

  1. We become fixated on something, have it be our bodies, our relationship, a career goal, that we become like a deer in headlights, only seeing one way and sacrifice everything else to accomplish that perfected image we've created in our head - in doing so, we loose site of the right now, as our time and energy is wrapped around our obsession.  
     
  2. Or we find so much comfort in the idea of "perfect" that we create a facade that we have the perfect relationship/ marriage, perfect children, perfect friends and social life…. that we find ourselves creating a story and living a lie. 
     
  3. Or we fall way off the cliff and tend to exaggerate to the nth degree, making everything and everyone in our life worse than they actually are and the idea of perfection seems like the farthest thing from our grasp. 

Three extremes, which I’m sure you can relate to one of them. 

Perfection. Yuck. Striving and working towards a goal, yes! Obsessed, no thank you!

Tell me how.... Realize that your greatest difficulties are going to be your greatest teacher. Fuck perfectionism. Fuck the idea of needing to have it all. Fuck any lingering assumptions about how it's "suppose to be." Fuck not being able to wake up each day completely satisfied with how you look, how your relationships actually are, where you are in your career, with your family, friends and people in your life. Don't get me wrong, putting in the hard work for that "feel good, healthy body", doing all that you can to show up in your relationships with love and kindness and living in your truth is what we all strive for. My hope, is that you find the deepest love for yourself to welcome the imperfections as an opportunity to learn and grow in the moment, loving yourself truly, purely and wholeheartedly. 

BIG QUESTION: What would your day look like if you let go of the idea of perfection?

I smile, as I look at those seals laying on the beach- bellies out, lounging in the sun, complete content in the moment. I love it. 

It's all about time...

“This moment is all there is” ~ Rum

Imagine the concept of actually spending quality time, with the one you love? Sounds great right? A romantic evening, a long walk, a great conversation - simple but yet so rare. Since the essences of true quality time has become a foreign concept to most, as our society becomes more consumed and distracted, losing their ability to actually focus and give time.

How often have you been in the presences of someone special - have it be a friend, a relationship and felt unseen, unheard and alone? The constant consumption of our “busy” mentality, clutters our mind and then add on the constant distraction of social media and work, which increases mental fog, as we find ourselves disengaging from real human connection. Horrible but true. 

TODAY’S QUESTION: How do you utilize your time with the ones you love? Wisely and with intention?

As we all know, time is by far the most valuable gift you can give to anyone, especially in a world consumed with being "on the go", the constant influx of distractions, high demands and the facade of glorifying the need to be busy. Quality time, it's a super simple concept but yet so complex and such a challenge for most.  

I met this incredibly spiritual man about 6 months ago, a friend of a friend, who's energy penetrates through every cell of his body, completely aware of the importance of being present. I've seen this friend twice now, since being in LA and both times left feeling completely energized and truly seen as a human being. There's no sexual interaction, no empty conversation. It's real. Quality with meaning. Powerful. Reinforces the importances of showing up, being present and the constant strive to highten your awareness in all relationships.  

There will come a day when the light clicks and you'll become aware of how important the energetic building of human connection is and you’ll notice if and how your current relationships define “quality time.” As you become more aware and connected within, you’ll naturally find yourself putting down your phone, experiencing less of a need to be constantly “on” and instead you’ll find yourself immersed with what and who you are with. It’s a powerful place to be. Aware and present, especially being on both sides of the coin. 

So what do you do? You define what quality time means to both you and your partner. You communicate the importance of it. You show up. You ask for time. Put your phone away. Make eye contact. Listen. Speak. Share. Give love. Participate. Be Involved. You let go. You step up. You step back. You notice the energetic feeling wrapped around your relationships and decide if it is fueling or depleting your soul.  

BIG QUESTION: How can you show up in your relationships, to give and receive quality time? 

Get messy.....

How quick are you to walk away or ignore a challenge when it arises? There are so many different ways to approach and respond to an obstacle, are you aware of your conditioned response

It is such a powerful journey to become aware of how YOU show up in the mix of a challenge - what you do when you have an emotional responds to something or when you are the receiver in a sticky situation. I'm going to ask you to get real with yourself and reflect upon the last time you were in the mix of a low in your relationship, maybe you're in the middle of a funk right now. How do you handle the tough stuff? 

TODAY'S QUESTION: Are you properly equipped for a challenge? Are you okay to get messy with your significant other or do you find yourself running from conflict, keeping secrets and disregarding the emotional tough stuff that surfaces because it's easier to avoid then to work through and resolve?

Our love relationships always start with some sort of energetic/ emotional connection to another. There's always a reason "why" you're drawn to someone - physically, mentally or spiritually. Whatever your "why", passion is huge component of our love relationships. Sure the way we define passion changes and molds in different shapes over time, which is one of the great parts of growing with someone.

When it comes to the messy stuff, we all have our limits, as to what we will accept or not in a relationship, as no-one wants to be disrespected, taken advantage of or not seen and heard. Do you know what your limits or boundaries are? I hope the answer is yes. If you're uncertain, I ask you to start the thought process, wrapped around what's really important to you, in a love relationship. 

There’s no doubt that many of you reading this have been in a relationship where you were not truly heard. Personally, that is one important quality of any love relationship that I am in - to be given the time to truly be seen and heard.  How many of you are in a relationship with someone who needs to always be right? Yep, that's my most recent experience -  I danced in a long distance relationship with a man who didn't hear me, who always had a responds, regardless of what I said, because he needed to be right, which left me unable to fully share my deepest emotional struggles, as I was often spoken over, interrupted and left to feel frustrated, disappointed and sad. It's a powerful process to be able to share the messy parts, for it's an energetic, emotional release of internal negativity - if not shared, there is no doubt, that shit will manifest within your body and show up as an ailment.  

Sad but true - I would share my feelings in an email, as that was the only way to express my feelings and to truly be heard - very rarely, did I ever get an email back with thought, time or more then a few sentences. Great conflict resolution right? lol. The messy was avoided and pushed under the rug. Not healthy for the longetivity of anything concrete. 

So what do you do? You trust the process of getting messy. You acknowledge that perfect is an undesirable quality for any relationship, as it prevents you from keeping an opened mind, as you have already premeditated and built a fictitious story around how things should look vs allowing things to unfold as they will. You welcome space for your partner, to bring anything to the table and commit to listening without a quick response. You share and are conscious of the emotional responds your partner might have. Speak slow. Control your emotions. Breath. Listen. Trust time. Be patient. Be smart with your word choice AND be open to listen, kindness and compassion, as shit happens. Get messy with love. 

BIG QUESTION: Next time an obstacle comes up in your relationship, will you take a couple deep breaths before responding. Could we change our mindset and embrace the messy parts of our relationships and potentially grow vs quickly disregarding and holding fast to the "grass is greener on the other side" mentality?